Sometimes I dance with my given/chosen Muse. We are in each other’s arms as we glide across the shiny floor, phrases and paragraphs fluttering around us as the music rises and falls.
And other times that Muse won’t even let me turn the music on. I sit alone in the silence, remembering what the dance felt like the last time, yearning to feel that communion once again.
This seems to have been my problem the past week and a half or so, pretty much since I began this blog. Before launching it, I’d felt the Muse’s kiss on my cheek and was FULL of ideas. I’m still full of ideas, actually, as the sensation of that gentle kiss lingers, yet there appears to be some sort of disconnect between my thoughts and the process of getting them down on paper. I wonder if the music is actually playing, but I simply cannot hear it.
Some might think this is nothing more than a bad case of ‘Spring Fever,’ but this is often a very creative time of year for me. The reawakening of the Earth usually gets my own creative juices flowing so freely that my fingers have trouble keeping up with the images exploding from my mind.
Not so this year.
I’m not certain I can blame this on a reluctant Muse though, since I too am playing a part in the obstruction. Perhaps, it is only I who hesitates. I’ve noticed that in recent days I have immersed myself in many unnecessary housekeeping tasks, such as organizing the photo and music files on my computer, and even my CD collection. At least I haven’t started on my books or rearranging my office! I’d KNOW I was in trouble in either of those cases.
Is it something deeper, my timidity in blog writing, or am I simply not in my writing mind just now? I’ve been on a bit of a hiatus from writing recently, and know that when I do get back into it I will admonish myself for neglecting such an essential part of who I am.
I WANT to write. I FEEL better, more alive, more ME when I’m actively writing, when my Muse and I are moving together in a whirl or words.
So, let’s crank up the tunes and get on with it, eh?
May I have this dance?
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April 1st, 2010 - 9:34 pm
Julie, for me, when the words aren’t coming it’s because I’m still cooking them up and they are not quite ready to be presented to the palate of my readers and tasted!
It’s also very intimidating to put yourself out, from your deepest, most intimate place. It has been for me, at least as I’ve gotten my own blag rolling. I still get the flutter of panic right before I hit “publish” after entering a new post.
You’ve done it twice now, and as your muse begins to be more familiar with having people observe her dance, she will give the stories to you with ever increasing frequency! This, I truly believe!
Light feet, and happy dancing!
April 2nd, 2010 - 12:06 pm
Thanks, Deneen,
I like to SAY that when I can’t write it is because I’m still formulating what I’m going to say, but I don’t think that’s always the case. In this case, I’m not sure what the problem has been. I know it’s partly time management, and not enough hours in the day to do everything I want to do. Also, this has always been a very transitional time of year for me, so I’m spending a great deal of time thinking about the BIG events that have happened in late March/early April, (I’ve got a blog still in draft form about some of it).
I don’t think this has had anything to do with fear of people reading my pieces, since I’ve had them ‘out there’ a lot already, but I DO often suffer great writer’s anxiety waiting for responses. My writing is almost always VERY personal, but I don’t mind showing my ‘soft underbelly’–ANOTHER topic for a future blog.
Thank you for your thoughtful response.
April 6th, 2010 - 12:31 am
Well said, Julie! I think that writers MUST show their soft-underbelly. Even when we sometimes use our characters in order to let them show our feelings, it’s really, always, US!
June 1st, 2010 - 1:21 am
Yes, that would make a good blog post… hint, hint.