My Oldest Poem: For Roddy, 1998

Posted October 18th, 2011 by Julie Carriker

I love you

I miss you

I’ll never get the chance

to know you

Please come to me now,

if there is a way


I wish I had known

I would have helped you

I would have cared for you

(I do care for you)

I would have left my family,

my life

(it is no life without you)


I love you so much

I don’t care if you’re straight,

gay, neither (both?)

It didn’t have to be physical

(I just wanted you)


It’s been 25 years

The longest romantic relationship

of my life

No one can tell me

It never was


As promised, THE WORDS!!!  So far, I’ve only gone through my poetry files, and this is the oldest poem I’ve found.  It’s no surprise this one is about Roddy McDowall (I wasn’t kidding about that Muse stuff!), written the month he died in October, 1998.  I had a VERY difficult and lonely time dealing with his death, so writing, as usual, was my best therapy.  Some have called me “maladjusted,” but if it IS maladjustment, it is MY maladjustment.


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